Day One of One Eighty
I try to remind myself that my heart will grow fonder with his absence
An hour later and I am still on the rock-hard bed rolling around
Why don't I have the will to do anything
I move slowly to sit up pushing my legs down the side of the bed facing our one large window
I stare out to the long stretch of green that's dull in comparison with the first day I saw it
Little animals roam free all around the field and I cannot help feeling imprisoned
Suffocating in my self-made prison
I shiver
I am alone again
This time I truly am alone
We came to the village to be alone together
Now I am alone alone
I wince
Chance walks past the window, heavy looking logs of wood in hand
I hear the soft creak of footsteps on our loose front stairs
I hear him enter through our front door
We had just finished erecting our cabin house
We needed logs for the fireplace because it felt like winter was here
It felt like snow was supposed to be falling already
We had finished our home just in time
Or we would have needed to lodge at an inn we didn't have money for
The location was perfect
It allowed us the illusion of being apart from the world
It was what we needed
We were young
We were in love
He sat next to me on the bed and pulled me to his lap
He rested his forehead to mine and we stared into each other's eyes for a long time as the heat of the fire he had just stoked in the fireplace and in my heart enveloped us
And then he proceeded to tell me why I am the one
I am different from him
In culture and thinking
He will never understand how and why I think and act the way I do
And so it's going to be a great adventure spending his entire life trying to understand me, he said
In looks
He is so white and I am so dark
My tough and curly hair that never obeys
My dark eyes the shape of almonds that remind him of hot cocoa
My pudgy nose he loves to pull
My soft, swollen lips are too kissable and reminds him of honey or caramel
My round stubborn chin
My fresh ebony skin that makes him think of melted chocolate.
There was a time blurred up in my past, I used to think myself ugly in the face of those pale faced golden girls in school
But I can't even remember why I would think that
In truth, there weren't many people who looked like me
I am special!
The way you carry yourself, he continued
Like you were worshipped in your past life
Like you have everything under control
Like you don't need any protection
My queen
I looked into his soft hazel eyes that looked grey from a distance
Or under the sun
Hot breathe from his nose fanned my face
You are mine, I said to him
I chose him again as he chose me
The window blurs out of view and I realize I am crying
My eyes burn and I shut it tightly
I don't understand myself anymore
This is ridiculous
Teardrops fall to my fat thighs
And I feel insecure again
Am I fat again?
Am I ugly again?
I look vaguely toward the dresser mirror but I don't move to stand before it
I can't
If I look, I will become that girl again
I look at my stubby dark hands, my dark skin
Ebony, he called it
Chance's are as pale as milk
We really are different
Day Fifteen of One Eighty
I make it my mission to be up and out of the house by dawn
The house is a trap
A house of mirrors haunted with too many shadows
Nights have become torturous
I haven't had a wink of sleep in perhaps a week
I am barely conscious
Barely sane.
Art is the only answer
Yet all I paint is doom
I look at today's creation half smeared with my tears
There is fire in the sky and a body lies on the floor in the midst of several people running around in obvious panic
The body is intricately detailed, two bullets to the head.
But it has no face
In fact none of the people have faces
My tears have smeared them all out
Suddenly, there are shadows hanging over my paper
Dark inverted figures, getting bigger and bigger
I look up to see heavily suited men approach me
I take a few minutes to look at their faces
And immediately I know why they are here
I don't know when I start to run but I see approaching landscape flash past me as I move thoughtlessly away
Far away from the evil people
I mustn't hear what they have to say
I just know I mustn't hear it
A pair of arms grab me from behind and suddenly I am back in the departmental store five years ago
When I open my eyes it is not Chance standing in front of me
I put my hands over my ear and scream loudly
I cannot hear my scream but I feel my throat aching, piercing
When I open my eyes again, I am in a strange place
At first my vision is blurred
Smeared grey and dark figures moving into each other
I hear loud voices but I cannot make out their words
I need to know where I am
Suddenly, I feel panicked, restive
I move and realize I am lying down
I attempt to lift myself but something pins me down
I shut my eyes as a series of sharp pains explode in my head
I hear myself groan
And suddenly everything goes dark, oblivion
I open my eyes
I remember the last time I opened my eyes but I don't remember anything beyond then
I stare straight ahead of me where a blurred man is standing, his back to me,
He seems to be talking to someone out of view, outside the door
As my vision comes into focus, I notice the room looks vaguely familiar
The walls are muralled with blue daisies
I blink
A lady rushes in through the door and pushes a cup with a straw sticking out of it, towards my mouth
And I realize I am, in fact, thirsty
A barrage of people breeze in as I drink the water longingly
Who are all these people?
I count eight of them
The man at the door is now facing me, he is wearing an all black ensemble, suit, shirt, tie
Angel of death
His eyes lock with mine
I look away nervously
The lady with the cup now has a hot towel over my fore head
She tucks the thick blanket over me more tightly and then I realize how cold I am
I feel like I am back from the dead
And yet I can't remember what could have happened to me
I can feel these people's stare on me, wanting to talk
Wanting to tell me some grave bad news
But the lady has given them a stern look effectively shutting them up.
And now she plants a warm, flower kiss where she the towel used to me
She whispers for me to go back to sleep
My subconscious immediately obeys her as I feel myself already drifting
I must truly be exhausted
My last vision is of the lady leading everyone out and closing the door behind her.
Part 4 is COMING SOON. What do you think of the story so far? Tell us in the comments section!